MMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHH :'(

Overwhelming emotional crash earlier. I just seemed to suddenly realise a powerful feeling of loneliness, even though I was in the middle of a spooning session. It all seemed to hit me at once that dreams are futile, hopes are foolish, and reality stings. Everything fell down, and it all seemed to remind me of the well known 'her' and it doesn't even matter how I feel about her to anyone but me.

There's a sensation of flat. Like everyday has the same low, unfaltering line. Like there's nothing special to complete each day, sort of empty. I have nothing to look forward from day to day. I just keep going out of Fool's Hope.

It always happens. They can go on, I can't. I get stuck, frozen in my past, lost in what I lost. Nothing to lose and no chance to gain a way into the future.

That's the worst thing that can be done. Never underestimate of much or how quickly love can grow in even a short period of time. Just don't, or you'll never understand.

Thanks for hearing me out in maths nikki, even if all it did was make it worse.

I can't escape, yet even though it's killing me inside, I don't think I want to, I must have done something to deserve all this, so I'll see it to the very end.