Huckleberry Crumble

One of my favourite Stone Temple Pilots song there. Spotify/youtube/whatever it. NOW.

While your at it, listen to some of their other stuff.

Had an OK time up north in Scarborough. They talk funny :) We had much time of amusement with their accents.

I can't believe how long my ATL t-shirt is taking. This is getting ridiculous.

I've been giving some more thought to my future. I was pretty certain I was going to Sixth Form at Moulton and I'd chosen the subjects I wanted to do there, but now I've been given an opportunity to go to Welbeck Military College instead, and its a tough choice. I don't have a plan as such for after Sixth Form but if I go to Welbeck I'll have a place in the Army as an officer. A 2nd Lieutenant to be exact, or a 'Rupert' as my Dad calls me now. It'll be a good career for a while. Chances for promotion, goodish wage, properly looked after. The whole deal.

It really is a tough choice.

Apperance of Order

Over the next sort of period of vague time, I will be sorting all my old posts and my new ones into categories. Like I have all my Lyrics collected together, I will be gathering all my physcological posts together, and I think I'll just leave the general stuff.

Missed, but a finally accepted loss.

Feeling moody always outs me thinking, and thinking either knocks me down or picks me up. Well, not always pick me up but this time it has definitely provided me with fortitude to move on. It's not like I now forsake her existence, but I've simply accepted that it's foolish to live on hope alone. I did that for months last time and it got me nothing. I'll take this as a chance to learn my own faults, and prepare myself for the future.

What happens now, I can't say. I know me, and I know I am extremely vulnerable and easy to capture to almost anybody that might try, not that any would. Notice I said almost, I still manage to keep some control, but I really am just a naive young man that trusts too much in what people say. I know what sort of person I like, both as a person and physically, but I hardly unreasonable, I'll put those things aside if I feel that they have no relevance. However, there are some things I will not compromise on, i.e. smoking. A vile and putrid habit that has no place.

I will put out some advice to everybody that I gave to Nikki last week. People aren't unreasonable or going to explode when you ask a question. Rather than speculate and assume and often get it wrong, just ask, it'll more than likely work out for you. Unless of course, you've picked someone completely unreasonable, in which case, take it as a sign.

MMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHH :'(

Overwhelming emotional crash earlier. I just seemed to suddenly realise a powerful feeling of loneliness, even though I was in the middle of a spooning session. It all seemed to hit me at once that dreams are futile, hopes are foolish, and reality stings. Everything fell down, and it all seemed to remind me of the well known 'her' and it doesn't even matter how I feel about her to anyone but me.

There's a sensation of flat. Like everyday has the same low, unfaltering line. Like there's nothing special to complete each day, sort of empty. I have nothing to look forward from day to day. I just keep going out of Fool's Hope.

It always happens. They can go on, I can't. I get stuck, frozen in my past, lost in what I lost. Nothing to lose and no chance to gain a way into the future.

That's the worst thing that can be done. Never underestimate of much or how quickly love can grow in even a short period of time. Just don't, or you'll never understand.

Thanks for hearing me out in maths nikki, even if all it did was make it worse.

I can't escape, yet even though it's killing me inside, I don't think I want to, I must have done something to deserve all this, so I'll see it to the very end.

It's a Tyranny of Normality.

getting away with murder is definitely a good album. :D

Onto the semi-relevant.

The search for a singer continues on. I think the problem is that we're stumped on where to start looking. I mean, it's not like they grow on trees, and there's hardly an unstoppable stream of volunteers when it comes to singing. Sigh...a final stumbling block.

Atleast we have every other position filled.

Me and Dan finally set that 2,000,000+ score on burn zombie burn. FUCK YEAH!

Moving on further.

I like to think of the past as a big list of things that you should and shouldn't do again. However, it requires quite a bit of sorting. That's what now is for, narrowing down what you should and shouldn't do from the past's big list. The future is a test to see if you got it right, and obviously, if you do, you win, and are justly rewarded for your effort.

If you lose...well, that's just your own fault and it's a case of try, try and try again. Or you could give up, but then you'd never win.

Teenage love analysis.

Lets stop and consider this for ourselves shall we? There is a lot of 'bah humbug' when it comes to teen love from older citizens who feel that we, as an absolute rule, are too young to feel true love. They are WRONG. A teenager is just a likely to fall in love as anyone older, the difference is, I believe, that its a very hit and miss thing. You will get those guys and girls that do, plain and simple, fall in love. Faithfully and deeply. The miss part is that, while there are these young people out there, it is rare for them to find each other. Some get lucky, they do get both sides in love, just like a full, proper relationship. Others, however, don't find one of these, and the one that is venerable to falling completely is also vulnerable to a serious crash if it all turns sour.

Of course, there are the hardened ones, who while are just as vulnerable to love, have learnt to heal themselves with cold logic. For anyone who wants to learn this art, a good start point is to consider these.

'Did you say you loved them?' If yes continue.

'Did they say they loved you too?' If yes continue.

'Did they leave you after a relatively short time?' If yes, continue.

End result, they never really meant it as you did, and your better of without them. Its cold, hard and brutal, but it saved me, so it might save you. That's how you heal yourself when you fall for someone who you thought was perfect for you, and just wasn't. Don't get me wrong, these people can fall in love, it's all down to finding just the right person, and that is down to luck, and perseverance in love. You can't give up on it, or say love can find you on it's own. You have to look and search for yourself, and there are always sacrifices and loses along they way, but although these may hurt you, you have to forgive and forget. Neither of those is easy to do.

This is my belief. There's not much I do believe in. I'm one those that likes to see and touch before I trust. In this however, it is so evident around us that you can almost feel it, and no-one can deny its effect on us all. I believe in love and karma. Both of these can't be proven, but can't be denied, there's just too much example of both, and they are both connected. Karma is what goes around, comes around, and if you put enough effort on finding love, then karma rewards as it passes around. Also, if you needlessly break a heart, assume that karma's is going to catch you one day.

To all you people out there that have found there love, I smile, and to all those who suffer on their journey, I salute you. Those who find have earn't it, and those who still try, you deserve it.

Farewell for this day.

So how we all doing our there. Since this is my blog I'll go first, ok?

Lets see. Well, I am feeling better, and I feel better as the day goes on. Mornings aren't great, but when are they ever? I feel better once I get myself working and focused. It's best if I keep myself form straying. At least now I have some of how I feel down into words. It's always helped before. Feel free to criticise and destroy my confidence with this sort of thing. Or don't, and instead tell me what you like about it.

I want those albums to hurry up, and my t-shirt. The albums I may just lend out to a few who want them, but keep ya grubby mitts of ma shirt.

New shoes, new shirts, new shorts (bleh) and a new hat. The only things that isn't new are me and my jeans, but those can be forgiven can't they.

When someone says says laughter is the best medicine, pay attention. There might just be a time where laughing can take away your pain. Over the last week, I really needed it, but now I think I can manage myself, having been steeled by cold thinking to kill those emotions. Now I just have to warm up again.

#7 Strangers (that's right, back to the lyrics)

What we had is now past

Never destined to last

All I have in love is just hope

I used to hold you tight

And you held me the same

Now it's like you don't even know my name

Lovers to strangers in less than a day

You set off a separate way

All I had to give

To let our light live

Now you don't even care what I say

I can't help to see

What it all meant to me

And it's too late to change your mind

The feelings I had

Feelings you said you shared

Now it's like you don't even know my name

Lovers to strangers in less than a day

You set off a separate way

All I had to give

To let our light live

Now you don't even care what I say

So much time to make

Just a moment to break

And little will to make whole again

The steps that I take

To escape my mistake

I've got pave a path for myself

Lovers to strangers in less than a day

You set off a separate way

All I had to give

To let our light live

Now you don't care what I say

Lovers to strangers

Let it stay that way

I'm set to make my own way

I want to forget your name...

Tell me what you think Love, Hate, Meh. Also, look at my other songs conveniently collected together for you. Just click below where it says 'Labels: Lyrics'

Kthxbai

STOP..... HAMMER TIME.

I can touch that ;)

Well, where to start. I have my own hat now :D I'm wearing shorts for the first time in years (outside of sport) and I have some new shirts. It's all good.

Played Mario Galaxy 2 for a bit. SUPER SPECIAL AWESOME XD My brother is far too keen however.

I want those Papa Roach albums and my ATL t-shirt to hurry up.

In a city of fools I was careful and cool

But they tore me apart like a hurricane

A handful of moments I wish I could change

But I was carried away.

All Time Low. Fast becoming my new favourites I must say. Thanks to Jack for introducing them (I think at least) and for the DVD. Fucking hilarious.

I might see if I can set some plans in motion. Since things never happen the same way twice, and no-one can un-step steps they've taken, lets make the path of the future seem more bright and welcoming.

Nothing Personal :D

Thanks to Moulton School's reward for excellence, I have acquired 3 Papa Roach albums for less than £5. I have also gained an ATL nothing personal T-shirt, and still have money for credit. =D

I feel more settled in the evenings for some reason, and hopefully that'll spill into tomorrow. One might even say I'm mending.

Nice and brief I've got an early start tomorrow.

MEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH :/

It started dull, just disbelief. But it grew, definitely. It now occupies the bottom of my stomach and I feel slightly sick. In my head I feel lost. In my heart I feel broken, and in my stomach, I'm sick. I try to not let it out. Try to not be that miserable rain cloud on every ones' day. Easier said than done.

I say I think it'll stay over. That doesn't mean that's what I want.

GRATUITUS AMOUNTS OF GRATITUDE

I am honestly exceedingly grateful for all my friends. For today and tomorrow you have simply made it impossible to sit around feeling all sorry for myself, and I thank you all for that. You're all making this go a lot easier for me and you've all shown what friends can do. I'll be making this up to you all for a long time yet.

In other news:

You really should think about what you say in advance. I mean, seriously Jack, saying 'Rage tell me to fuck the man, and Robert your the man right now, so I'm fucking you' isn't quite what you meant it to be.

Music really isn't good for you after an 'incident' which may have left you with every right to be unhappy. Certain music will bring it out of you no matter how far you bury it, and sometimes at an inappropriate time, like in public. Thankfully, I don't visibly 'cry' as such, I just sort of lose ability to focus quite significantly. So, lets summarise. Alone + Music = SAD :( <-----

My Ipod currently has no life left, which probably was a good thing for today.

Thrown away. Story of my life.

4/4 short. It's like a curse. Every time I get involved it seems to just whither away when I least expect it. At least this time, there was degree of separation before had, which might have dulled the pain, but I suspect it will eat at me for a while and grow, or I'll just be fine with it. Bit of both as it stands. I'm doing better than I expected, but it might be that it's just not processed yet. No matter what though, it's over. It'll almost certainly stay over. That's how I see it and I have my reasons. Back to square one.

I have gratuitous amounts of that ' I MISS YOU ALREADY' feeling.

First Aid today, I am now qualified for 3 years. YAY. I can save people now. Legitimately .

Supposed to be there for 9:30 am so i got up at 8:55. Clever, I know. Wanna know what's more cleverer. I set an alarm for 8:00............PM. Go me.

Afterwards, Me and Norrish did some climbing around the Sixth Form block, surprisingly easy. We can climb onto and over the outer wall. But then Paddy came and pissed on our parade. (caretaker paddy that is)

I survived the weekend alone. Yeah, I didn't kill myself via food poisoning and the house isn't burnt down. I did however, get rather lonely. Loads of people in Brixworth for the carnival, which I couldn't go to. Jack went to 'A walk in the park' which I also could not attend. Didn't get to see Emily either. Which is above and beyond crap. But hey, everyone had fun so that makes it allright I guess. Even though I would rather not have such a big 'missing' feeling and a smaller one.

Oh well, Monday tomorrow, which while meaning school, it also means Emily :D

Apparently my certificate for First Aid can cross over to Cadets, so it's even more worth the time.