As your typical teenager, my emotions are often all over the place, and i mean real crazy, but more recently, ive kinda leveled out into a kind of pattern, i keep up indifference for a while, then that will go away and leave me in a kind low depression. i dont really help myself. when im on my own, my thoughts always stray to 'what ifs' i.e. 'what if i hadnt said that' or 'what if that didnt happen'. i live in an almost perpentual other reality, because this one isnt very good.
put simply, i have regrets, and i feel empty, thankfully, the years of feigned indifference have paid off, and i can hide how i feel in public but for how long. i hate this.
i wrote something the other day about how i felt. not clever. thankfully, i managed to rescue it before any reading to took place but holy shit.
im undecided on what to do. do i try to supress how i feel and risk a breakdown? do i tell her how i feel about her and risk everything? i just dont know!
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