revelation, (nothing to do with muse)

sitting here, thinking, right now. i worked it out.

after realising my tendency to skip words while typing, yet while in my mind, ive typed it, i found the true complexity of human nature. (well, at least MY nature) ive discovered that the human mind has a complex method of dealing with the reality of events. it builds up other realities, in which things happen better or worse. we all call upon these personnel alternate realities, even without noticing, this is where all the, "what if that had happened?" and other questions form.

for some reason or another, i have many alternate realities, and i believe that it is the running of these that causes certain absentminded errors and apperances. yet, i seem to be able to keep these alternations sperate from what is real, it never seems to spill over, and the effort for that must really take up alot of brain power.

i have all sorts of versions of events, some that happen better and some that dont, some have even lead to my untimly demise, i dont focus on those alot but theyre still there. some of the better ones have a tendency to casue a great deal of regret. (oh wait hold on, that regret is a form of over lap that i forgot about so what i said earlier isnt quite true) i wont go into any detail otherwise that would take forever, so cut short, we are all overly complex in the ways in which shun what we dont like.

woah, did i come out with that, well i'll be damned, i'm better at this that i thought

hols :)

probably gunna be really lax with my blogging for the whole of the summer hols. lets get at least 1 done before i go about 5 weeks of fuck all.

just got back from Cumbria (no its not a funny name) some of the most spectacular and beautiful veiws ive seen. climbed (well walked) up scafell pike, highest mountin in england, not much really the scots AND the welsh have bigger 1s. u'd think from the top of that, there would be the most amazing view. but no. 3/4 quaters up and my world had shurnk down to a rocky barren slope with wind trying to push me over and a thick white fog blanketing everyeverything over 5 metres away. not very fun. we were in the clouds. now just to be clear, erase all fictions of the inside of a cloud as a fluffy comfortable place. its not. its like a constant drizzle, that soaks u completely. had a well good holiday home tho. fucking traffic miles long, such a nice man for telling us about a back road from the service station that lead onto a quiet back road, got home so much quicker.

not much else really, i havent got much to say cuz i cant be bothered

last day for meh! XD

last day of school for for me, WOOHOO, going on hols to cumbria 2moz, should be great. got £70 to spend so ill be fine.

felt decidedly better today, had great lols with zoe and flo, flo is the most evil person i know, she hit me with a stick. over the head. ¬_¬ i will get u back 1 day. liam was a zombie, we kicked his arse, 3 times. im sorry but no matter what u are or how hungry, u dont bite my friends. EVER.

great geography lesson, mostly because theres no geography involved in playing the last stand 2. yes, we just fucked around for 50 mins, once we found game sites that werent blocked.

a whole 6 week summer hols to gget through, all bets im bored ridged near the end of it, hope i get to see my mates in brix etc. at least a couple of times.

feelings

As your typical teenager, my emotions are often all over the place, and i mean real crazy, but more recently, ive kinda leveled out into a kind of pattern, i keep up indifference for a while, then that will go away and leave me in a kind low depression. i dont really help myself. when im on my own, my thoughts always stray to 'what ifs' i.e. 'what if i hadnt said that' or 'what if that didnt happen'. i live in an almost perpentual other reality, because this one isnt very good.



put simply, i have regrets, and i feel empty, thankfully, the years of feigned indifference have paid off, and i can hide how i feel in public but for how long. i hate this.

i wrote something the other day about how i felt. not clever. thankfully, i managed to rescue it before any reading to took place but holy shit.

im undecided on what to do. do i try to supress how i feel and risk a breakdown? do i tell her how i feel about her and risk everything? i just dont know!

well, i dunno

cant really think of a title cuz this 1 is gunna be random.

was on ma own in the house yesterday evening. very simple. guitar.amp. volume. UP. TeeHee.
broke my fav pick, the end snapped of and now its dodgy to use :(. ill have to go into town and get some new ones,

really bored in DT yesterday. textiles. yay (heavy sarcasm, more like 500000 tons of it), thought of ways to cuss in french.

sa mere a un penis = ure mum has a dick.
La soeur du Jazib a un penis= jazib's sister has a dick. probs y he did her ooooooooooo.

got to do fuck all in english 2 lessons in a row. working actually gets results. drew shit for flo then had her mark it. it was her game so whateva, but my chicken deserved 30/30

can finally play exopolitics solo. for people that dont know, its a muse song. that song has been the focus of my play for awhile, learnt all but the solo real quick, then got stumped by it, but ive got it :).

florence smudged my thingymabob in my planner. that was a well thought out expression and u ruined it! that started speculation among jack and flo over who the writing was about. florence thinks its zoe jack doesnt, and im not gunna take out all the fun by telling them, i mean i wouldnt ever think of cutting short such valuble time they can spend thinking about. oddly, it never occured to them at the time, that i was right there and they couldve asked. i wouldnt have told them but they still couldve asked. it could be that it was about nobody, and i was merely expressing what is all caught up with no where to go. or maybe not, or maybe yes etc. etc.

i love being cyrptic and making it just that bit harder.

i should probably write it again, and this time, im gonna skip the old language. that should help a tiny bit, the structure of the sentences is really hard to get write it that form of speech.

archaic speech owns :P

read a book last night. had a knight guy that spoke in the archaic way and manged to insult someone 3 times in a single sentance, maybe 2.

mine eyes find thy face rupulsive and thy scraggely hair would seem a more sutiable for the rear-end of a flea-ridden mongeral dog than for human bearing. Did thy mother mayhaps pursue sexual recreation witheth a wild goat? owned

archaic speech is good for displaying all sorts of emotion. but it really sucks, i can stand it. why have i even put this up.

rain, torment, life stuff

rain.
lots of.
ruined my hair. ¬_¬ arse wipe.

we was all wet. as in water wet.

i love getting on jacks nerves, its just so easy. the smallest little thing and he gets him in such a state. all i did was refuse to tell him who i fancy. well, lets put it right, its ................

ha sucker as if i'd say.

but he doesant need to know, only i need to know, for know, but then again, i've said who before so i shouldnt have to repeat myself.

spent german and maths writing my observations on modern society. maths was more focused on social stuff, like love and shallowness.

i is deep.

oh, and dont bother trying to read through the rest of the blog trying to find who it is, i got rid of it. so tough luck.