Inclusion. To expand and whatnot.

Above my bed I have a collection of post-it notes, all of which have written on them a quote, lyric or piece of advice for me from me that I don't want to forget. I'm going to add one of these to each blog post from now on so I can share them all with you. How thoughtful of me.

A's and A*'s for my current GCSE results. MEGA PLEASED. Bit disappointed with biology, but I know what my main mistake was so I'll do better next year. Did I mention I was pleased with my results.

To Welbeck, or not to Welbeck? That is the question. With times like this, people getting the best of best results, but still not getting places in university, could Welbeck be an option if all else fails. I'm not too keen on going there, or pursuing a military career, but I can't disregard the chance. I would much prefer not to go.

Starting up a Kerrang! wall. Sort of in the same place as my post-its. I'm thinking I'll have the post-it space in the piddle with eventually posters all around the. So far, I've got an ATL one, Paramore and Lostprophets, along with a cut-out of Paramore getting the Best Album award. I felt that should be up there.

So, first bit of advice falls into relationships.

Don't be a fucking lazy, useless, douchebag shithole like me and go out of your way to see them. I regret making this mistake, so it is now on my wall as a reminder for making an 'Active Visiting Effort'

Half A Mind To Say Never

I waste my days waiting on you

Each day goes not waiting for me

I need someone to set me free

To let me follow time through

Love is the hardest thing in life

Hard to find, hard to start, hard to finish

But it's hardest to forget

While my memory's refuse to diminish

I can't get away when all that holds me

Is no less than myself

Give me the chance that I keep missing

The chance to make the right choice

To pick the right person to love

Don't send the past back to me

While I still have half a mind

Half a mind to say never

Each second I stay sat in the past

Is a another dig into my own grave

I was writing my tombstone

Hopeless and broken by my own thoughts

When I hand offered from above

Pulled me from my despair

Give me the chance that I keep missing

The chance to make the right choice

To pick the right person to love

Don't send the past back to me

While I still have half a mind

Half a mind to say never

She found me just in time

Saved me from wreck and ruin

Shown new light of a new hope

I had half a mind to say never

Now I have a mind to say forever.

I won't give up this chance to choose right

To pick the right person and to fight

Not another mistake in love

The past won't come back to me

Half a mind to say never

Now a mind to say forever

From Wales We Return.

Annual was the most fucking awesome week. Went out into the training area on Sunday for a day of training before starting our exercise scenario on Monday morning, which was as follows.

'We were in the area to prevent hostilities between to rival tribal units flaring and to protect innocents in the area. Our first move was to deny an enemy reccie patrol access to our area. Success. Next, we set up our harbour area before moving on our next objective. Meanwhile, General Cardigan Fitzbadly (no joke, that was the actual name we were given), played by Mr. Peplow, was flying out to take command and address the troops. Intel gathered suggested the General was going to be the target of a kidnap operation but he continued on despite this. Our Night-op was to set an ambush along the route of most likely activity and prevent enemy advancing on the HQ while 1 2 and 4 Platoon formed an all round defence about the HQ. The ambush was successful but General Fitzbadly was captured. Our morning attack was to eliminate the enemy and recover General Fitzbadly. We won, obviously.

Alot of 'hurry up and wait' all through the exercise.

Went out on the ranges on Wednesday. Got a grouping of five shots within an area I could cover with my hand at 100 metres. Pretty good for my first shot I'd say.

Thursday was adventure training, climbing, archery, that sort of thing, not the best day.

Friday was Commandant's parade which was fine despite the rain. The the disco. Noise, sweat and cadets. That was a good night.

Now I'm home, and it's damn good to sleep past 10 for the first time in a week. 6 in the morning everyday while on camp.

Shame I won't get to see much of the friends I made on camp. People from all over the Northampton area. A-COY!!! :D

Time to get settled back in to being at home, ready for results on Tuesday.

I don't hate anybody. I merely don't appreciate the fact some people exist.

It ain't your first thought. I think, but I don't know what your thought is. Whatever it may be, it ain't so now your all confused. It's not like I harbour ill feelings against anybody. There's not enough time to hate or bear grudges. Why burden and slow myself with such unpleasantness. I don't need that, it would be most counter productive to life's main objective. To last until tomorrow. Which is hard enough. Who knows when one day you just step out the front door and then your beat to death by a raccoon with mini-fridge. Well maybe not a raccoon with a mini-fridge but the point is the same. Life is its own worst enemy.

The only hate I harbour is to those who harbour and spread hate. Go die you close minded, ignorant people.

That's that our my system.

Not like my system actually works any more beyond simply going on and on and on. I'm just sort of there without much of a plan of where I'm going to go or what I'm going to do on a day to day basis.

Happy for Dan's happy.

Lows are so dull and depressing. I think it's time I earn't an high for myself. Life doesn't owe anything to us, so why wait around when it's waiting for you claim it. It's just really high up and it's hard to keep motivated on the climb with nothing to aim for but an end result.

CHECKPOINT.

I've put a number of post-it notes up around my room recently. (Wednesday morning at about 2) that have written on them where I go wrong so I never fail again, as well as a number of quotes and lyrics, some motivational, some not so. What remains to be seen is whether I've actually learnt from my past failures. Whether I can prove to somebody who'll risk it and more importantly to myself that I can do things right, and that I'm not a human embodiment of disappointment.

This may seem a bit of a depressing post but trust me, its dark, sort of moody, and this is how a climb to happiness starts. In the threatening shadow of gloom and despair that grows from within. But a metaphorical climb is easier with a metaphorical rope and a metaphorical helping hand on the end of it. I'm open to any help anyone is kind enough to give.

Focus points only last so long.

Imagine, something has occurred. It's not good, it hurts you, you want to escape it. You find a distraction don't you. Pick something you can put all your time into, stop your mind slipping. It works and time slips by, but you get close to passing your focus, achieving it. What then? Risk a relapse, pick a new one. You can't hide forever, and a relapse could break you. As human, you can't fix something alone. No-one can, not me, you, anyone. As human, we have each other. There is the secret. We need people who care to support us. Help us away from our troubles. Someone else can sooth wounds with kind words, can steel hearts with hard truth. Or they can simply slot themselves in a fill the hole. It all works best when all 3 come together. Hard truth I can do. he wound, I can do. However, I can't fill the hole left. There is the risk of relapse. No matter how healed the wound or steeled the heart. That hole can undermine it all, and it has before.

For now I'm on my own.